Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The last Me & You Talk Show


Make sure it's playing "The last Me & You Talk Show." The good stuff is around the 1 hour mark. That is, the WEIRD stuff is around the 1 hour mark.

Back in the U.S.S.A

...I don't know how lucky I are, boy. (The extra "s" stands for..."Solid?")

The last Me & You Talk Show was last Saturday, the 11th. Can I say the show was a clusterfuck and mean it in a good way? Long story short, the guests and the audience had a bit of a riot and destroyed most of the set. Can I mean that in a good way? The show was the longest and most attended one of the series--standing room only and a huge amount of people watching on UStream.tv. I'll put it up on my next blog post (that's me in a smart-looking corduroy jacket). I don't know how watchable it is, but I'll tell you that it's probably something you've never seen before.

Anyway, I'm here. I'm home. It's nice to not be eating meat pies for lunch.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

That's when you're done

If I do it right, I can follow a night of torrential alcohol intoxication with a blissful, productive morning. Last night the crew went out for drinks and dinner and overdid it on both at The Sherlock Holmes. This morning, I woke myself up after five hours of sleep. My body said, "You are immortal! Go do something!" So I did. I had my oatmeal, I clipped my toenails (finally), I did calisthenics in a hot shower. You know those days when your eyes are just a little wider and your mind is all sunny? Oooh, this was going to be one of those wonderful days.

I still walk to work--from Camden to Southbank Centre. It's about 50 minutes and all the way down Charring Cross Road. I tuned my iPod to some Kevin Devine and then set out, 8:45 in the morning. But on this walk, I was starting to notice the small, funny things that I haven't seen on previous commutes:

- "The 'Hoolywood' Diner"
- A sign outside a convenience store that read "Only TWO schoolchildren allowed in at one time." Do they have a bouncer? Do they check IDs?
- I could fill a large envelope with all of the shit that people hand out for free to walkers in the morning. Today I got a bunch of newspapers, some Scientology pamphlet (THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!), a sample pack of mints, and a 250mL smoothie that had 250mL of sugar. Yuck.

I also tried to spread my cheeriness around, actually helping two people with door problems. An old woman with too many parcels and, I'm not trying to be mean, what looked like nothing but a female head on an electric wheelchair who wanted to get into an internet cafe.

I also noticed three things:
- I can't walk in this town because I always run into people. I think it has to do with the left side/right side driving thing.
- People are more affectionate in public here. Although that might just be a symptom of my wife withdrawal.
- People will generally do a doubletake when they see someone (me) laughing at myself while I walk down the street.

And I got into work, almost exactly as Kevin Devine's "Put Your Ghost to Rest" ended. I was the first one in the office, as usual, and I was still shining. Happy, happy, happy.

Then the malaise came on. Then the nausea. Then the headaches.

The whole morning had been fake. I wasn't happy and immortal. I was still drunk.

Now I'm hungover.

When you try to clear the nausea by eating a large baguette sandwich only to discover that, because you were eating the sandwich with your eyes closed to block out the headache, you also ate a large amount of wax paper, that's when you're done.

And I'm done.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008