I'm Coming Out....

Yesterday, I officially started taking calls and answering emails. Yes, I also watched my first--and last-- episode of American Gladiators. I'll admit, in the last few days there were a few hours where I did look at my MySpace page or actually hang out with a couple people. I still think that I did pretty well, considering it was 9 days and my social and entertainment blackout policy was unreasonable.

Now that I'm out, I'm a little disappointed that I can't go back in. Being an unemployed writer doesn't make every day a weekend. Every day is a weekday. Every hour, actually, to the point where I can never fully justify ANY action outside of working out, eating, and writing. So to announce to the world that I'm leaving all of it just makes my guilt much lighter. Of course, this is really stupid, because who are you in the end but stories your friends have? And the self-guilt is easier to put up with than my mother wondering why I won't take any of her calls.

Clearly, without my social life--physical and cyber--I go bonkers. Remember, though, that part of my isolation motivation was to do some introspection. I just took a walk and I felt like my right brain was examining my left brain and vice-versa. Like, I started smiling when the wind tickled my beard, and my left brain was all "that dude's crazy." One of my conclusions, therefore, is that sure I need all my friends, family, and my wife (Holla, Kristina!), but if I'm alone I keep myself really entertained. I'm glad I pulled out after 9 days, though, because another week of this and my two lobes would have been so enamored with each other that I would have been spinning like a top while they tried to get closer to each other.

I'm not so happy with the amount of writing I did while I was here alone. I still had the same urges to just pace the floor or suffocate myself with a pillow. Anything but write. I'm happy with what I worked on, but really I did as much as I would have if I had access to American Gladiators this whole time.

Initially, I wanted to conclude that I'm a terrible motivator and I can't focus on anything and I should probably be medicated or at least hit with a prescription mallet. But what about this: What if these results really mean that I've been working as hard as I can the whole few months I've been here? I got as much done in these past 9 days as I will in the next 9 days. Maybe I am motivated and I do work really hard every day of the week, even though sometimes I just tap my toes and nervously pull out my eyebrows. I like this idea because it means that while I am still going to be as neurotic as ever, I get to have whiskeys with friends and long walks with Kristina.

Speaking of, this is the longest time I've spent without Kristina since the overcast Seattle spring when I watched Saddam Hussein's statue get torn down. That was 5 years ago. I miss Kristina...and the years when America was an international sensation.

So here's to whiskey and webchats and Wii and wife. I'm glad to have you back in my life.

Another thing: I'm going to keep going with this blog. I didn't think I'd like it, but I was wrong. I'll just have to name it something else and come up with another theme. Stay tuned.